Thursday, June 23, 2016

My New Role

Once in a while I have good days where I am happy and forget what is....

I am having way to many off days and this has got to change. My attitude has got to change, I am determined to be happy. I got rid of the depression once before but the problem is I had to remove someone from my life. I refuse to remove my husband. He is worth fighting for in spite of the things that he has done that hurt me.

Decisions were made about his friend and that is one of the things that hurts. Lord help me but I was praying that his friend would go away. He (my husband) has run off every friend I have ever had and he thinks that I am supposed to be ok with his friend remaining in his life. I do not care for his friend and believe me I have good reason. I won't go into that here maybe another time. I hope I can move past my insecurities and accept what is... 

In reality only one of us was going to come out happy. It was not me.

Now I need to focus on what part I want to play in this new role that I have taken on. If you are just tuning in.....Read my previous posts. (Only the 2016 posts) The posts before that were pre-enlightenment.

Tomorrow is a new day with a new outlook. Let's see if I can make this new role my own. Fearless, courageous and strong.


Sunday, May 22, 2016

My Heart Aches

Now where was I?

Oh yes, now I remember, I was telling stories about how real life.......isn't!

But what is it? Let me tell you what I think it is, picture yourself lying in a meadow, the sun shining on your face. A gentle breeze blowing and everything peaceful.


That is just the fantasy. It's all make believe. There is no such thing as "Happy Ever After". That is just what your parents want you to believe. They put it in your head that Mr. Right is what you are looking for, he doesn't exist. So starting out in life you already have high expectations that can NEVER be reached. Every man falls short of what you are looking for and you settle for what you think is second best. One problem with coming in second, you may marry him but you never give hope that Prince Charming is it there somewhere. But that is the illusion, the false hope that we instill into our children. Are we right or wrong? 

I guess you can tell that I have been hurt. My heart aches for what was, the question is can I trust myself enough to believe in the fantasy again?

To those of you that take the time to read my stories I thank you. Please think about your own life and what story you have landed in. Comment below with: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Horror, etc.

I can't wait to see what happens next.


Wednesday, April 27, 2016

That Moment when you Realized it was all a Lie!

What am I talking about you ask? Well, life. 

I've always joked around about Family Reunions, they are the best place to find every day actors. What I didn't know was we are all understudies. If I would have been told this when I was younger I would have hunted for the best the most exciting roles to play. I definitely would have found the perfect person to study. Maybe even studied several people.

I know you must be wondering what started all of this madness. Well I'm not going to tell you. Not at the moment any way. If I did you wouldn't come back to see what is happening.

I thought about making an appointment with a shrink. But decided that my brain was small enough. So here I am on line pretending I have an audience. My own little stage to perform. I would say without critics but I am sure you will show up soon enough.

Today I participated in a few short films. Yep that is what I am going to call them. MAybe even throw in a movie or 2. My day started out as a short episode of Leave it to Beaver. I fixed my husbands lunch hugged him, told him I loved him and sent him off to work. This was at 6:00 this morning and I won't see him again until 10:00pm when the late show is over. I think I nailed that performance. 

My next stop is painting. Now this is more therapeutic for me than work. I was thinking it could be part HGTV and part yoga. The arms and legs get a good work out and the room is beautiful after I am finished. I've decided that I'm not very fond of short films. Too much running around working on different parts and getting nothing accomplished. I feel as if everything is an audition. 

My entire life has been an audition. The only problem is I haven't gotten the big call back. I always wanted to be rich and famous, not middle class. Yet here I am on the treadmill of life going no where. 

My day isn't over yet, On my way back from short film #2 I stop at my moms for a workout. Running on the treadmill like a rat in the cage. What workout shows are ther on TV? Not something that I would watch regularly. I have enough trouble participating on my own. Maybe it would be easier to just watch.  At the moment I think I'll skip that call back. At least until tomorrow.

Now for the late show. I play the part of a pizza chef. I work until 10 and it can't get here fast enough. I've never seen the show Two Broke Girls but maybe that is who I am.

Like I said before my rant ore life is a lie. I am beginning to believe that the movie The Matrix is how it is.

I have had enough for tonight. I think tomorrow I am going to do a flash back episode to one of my dramas. 
Until then,