Thursday, June 23, 2016

My New Role

Once in a while I have good days where I am happy and forget what is....

I am having way to many off days and this has got to change. My attitude has got to change, I am determined to be happy. I got rid of the depression once before but the problem is I had to remove someone from my life. I refuse to remove my husband. He is worth fighting for in spite of the things that he has done that hurt me.

Decisions were made about his friend and that is one of the things that hurts. Lord help me but I was praying that his friend would go away. He (my husband) has run off every friend I have ever had and he thinks that I am supposed to be ok with his friend remaining in his life. I do not care for his friend and believe me I have good reason. I won't go into that here maybe another time. I hope I can move past my insecurities and accept what is... 

In reality only one of us was going to come out happy. It was not me.

Now I need to focus on what part I want to play in this new role that I have taken on. If you are just tuning in.....Read my previous posts. (Only the 2016 posts) The posts before that were pre-enlightenment.

Tomorrow is a new day with a new outlook. Let's see if I can make this new role my own. Fearless, courageous and strong.


Sunday, May 22, 2016

My Heart Aches

Now where was I?

Oh yes, now I remember, I was telling stories about how real life.......isn't!

But what is it? Let me tell you what I think it is, picture yourself lying in a meadow, the sun shining on your face. A gentle breeze blowing and everything peaceful.


That is just the fantasy. It's all make believe. There is no such thing as "Happy Ever After". That is just what your parents want you to believe. They put it in your head that Mr. Right is what you are looking for, he doesn't exist. So starting out in life you already have high expectations that can NEVER be reached. Every man falls short of what you are looking for and you settle for what you think is second best. One problem with coming in second, you may marry him but you never give hope that Prince Charming is it there somewhere. But that is the illusion, the false hope that we instill into our children. Are we right or wrong? 

I guess you can tell that I have been hurt. My heart aches for what was, the question is can I trust myself enough to believe in the fantasy again?

To those of you that take the time to read my stories I thank you. Please think about your own life and what story you have landed in. Comment below with: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Horror, etc.

I can't wait to see what happens next.


Wednesday, April 27, 2016

That Moment when you Realized it was all a Lie!

What am I talking about you ask? Well, life. 

I've always joked around about Family Reunions, they are the best place to find every day actors. What I didn't know was we are all understudies. If I would have been told this when I was younger I would have hunted for the best the most exciting roles to play. I definitely would have found the perfect person to study. Maybe even studied several people.

I know you must be wondering what started all of this madness. Well I'm not going to tell you. Not at the moment any way. If I did you wouldn't come back to see what is happening.

I thought about making an appointment with a shrink. But decided that my brain was small enough. So here I am on line pretending I have an audience. My own little stage to perform. I would say without critics but I am sure you will show up soon enough.

Today I participated in a few short films. Yep that is what I am going to call them. MAybe even throw in a movie or 2. My day started out as a short episode of Leave it to Beaver. I fixed my husbands lunch hugged him, told him I loved him and sent him off to work. This was at 6:00 this morning and I won't see him again until 10:00pm when the late show is over. I think I nailed that performance. 

My next stop is painting. Now this is more therapeutic for me than work. I was thinking it could be part HGTV and part yoga. The arms and legs get a good work out and the room is beautiful after I am finished. I've decided that I'm not very fond of short films. Too much running around working on different parts and getting nothing accomplished. I feel as if everything is an audition. 

My entire life has been an audition. The only problem is I haven't gotten the big call back. I always wanted to be rich and famous, not middle class. Yet here I am on the treadmill of life going no where. 

My day isn't over yet, On my way back from short film #2 I stop at my moms for a workout. Running on the treadmill like a rat in the cage. What workout shows are ther on TV? Not something that I would watch regularly. I have enough trouble participating on my own. Maybe it would be easier to just watch.  At the moment I think I'll skip that call back. At least until tomorrow.

Now for the late show. I play the part of a pizza chef. I work until 10 and it can't get here fast enough. I've never seen the show Two Broke Girls but maybe that is who I am.

Like I said before my rant ore life is a lie. I am beginning to believe that the movie The Matrix is how it is.

I have had enough for tonight. I think tomorrow I am going to do a flash back episode to one of my dramas. 
Until then,

Friday, March 27, 2015

The Attic Trunk

I think it would be fun to go through an attic of an old house. The treasures that you would find and the stories that were never told. I can almost smell the the history as you walk into the attic. The smell of dust and musty old books. The moth balls that were left to preserve the clothing. A smell that will forever remain in the fabric, unless you know of any secrets on how to remove it.

The thrill of opening each and every box, discovering the secrets that were left behind.  Finding a small collection of this and that or maybe the family wedding gown that has long been forgotten. Picturing in your mind how beautiful she would have looked on her wedding day. You find the attic trunk that hasn't been opened in years probably decades. Filled with more stories: old love letters, family photos, a bible with a rose pressed inside, a christening gown and many more items. Each one telling it's own story. Real or imagined. It's a glimpse into the past of someones life. The best or worst memories captured in one place.

What memories are lingering in your attic trunk?
Are they happy memories?
Or do they bring up sadness?

Stop for a moment and think about what you will leave behind. What will the next generation find when they discover your attic trunk? With this being the digital age what memories do you need to put in the trunk? Take the time to put the special memories in place for someone to discover. Let them use their own imagination and create the stories that you will leave behind.

My parents have discovered a new passion in their life. They are having fun going to auctions and estate sales. Finding the things of the past that need to be dispersed. Someones story being sold off piece by piece. Giving each item a chance to belong in someones story. Look at the following pictures an see if there is anything that you would like to give new life to. Is there an item that you would like to have part of your story?

Until next time, have you SeenIt?


Sunday, March 22, 2015

Starting Over

Wow, I quit my job. What was I thinking?

Have you ever been so bored that you just had to shake things up? Well that is where I was when I made the decision to quit my job. Plus the job was making me into someone I didn't like. It was like I had an evil twin that I had to face every day. Watching her go to work in a place that was unhealthy and out of her element. I needed my life back. I needed 'her' to go away. I wanted to be free from the stress of trying to appease someone that didn't even know what they wanted. I needed to find my own passion and be happy.


So where do I go from here? Good question. I can honestly say that I am on my way to new discoveries. During the day my grandson helps me in that area. When it gets warmer outside we will be discovering a lot of things with his sister, outside. No electronics for the summer. Now that will be a shock to them but a blessing in the long run.

3 to 4 nights a week I work for my cousin at the Alger Freeze. I think she is glad that I am back but some days she doesn't show it very well. It wasn't shortly after I came back that I convinced her that she needed to make some changes. And changes we have made. We painted over the ugly brown paneling and painted it a nice turquoise. The diamond plate still needs to be put up and the chair rail. And the decision on how to replace the floor is still up in the air. But progress is being made and In time it will look like a brand new place and I'm excited for her.

In this line of new discoveries I am also helping my parents. My dad has a new building that he has put up. He is filling it with antiques and items that maybe old but can be re-purposed. Just like my life always re-thinking the things that I could be doing better. No I'm not perfect nor do I want to be. I enjoy being the one outside the box creating my own kind of CHAOS. It sure keeps life interesting. 

I hope you will join me on this crazy adventure of new discoveries. I may even tackle a few old ones that need some TLC. 

Until next time, have you SeenIt?


Tuesday, August 30, 2011

In the Beginning!

I had to start somewhere and the beginning sounded like a great place.

I have always loved being behind the camera. That is why there aren't many pictures of me and I'm okay with that. I guess. Someday I will change that and become my own subject in my pictures. At least I won't have to explain to the model what I want her to do. I am my own vision.

I do love to photograph others and my goal is to create outside the box. As I improve my photography and my visions become clearer I will share what I create. I am looking forward to a great experience and I hope that those that choose to follow me will enjoy what I have to offer. I will try to update as often as possible so thanks for your support.